Coping

On several occasions throughout this deployment I've been told how strong I am.

I don't deserve those words.

I'm just doing my part in this relationship. 

I'm not doing special expect standing beside my husband while he is off protecting our country in this time of war.

By no means, does this make me unnecessarily strong.

He is the strong one who deserves the praise. 

I'm just the wife who stands beside his side and give him all the love and support that she possibly can.

I'm just his wife who shows the world how much I love my husband and how proud he makes me every day. 

People have said to me "I don't know how you do it, there's no way I could do it."

People give me the "sad eyes."

Not on purpose, I'm sure. 

But I don't need the sad eyes. 

I'm surviving just fine. 

I do it for love.

I do to support the man I love more than anything in this world.

I fell in love with a man whose job is to protect this country.

I fell in love with a man whose job is to go off to war so that we are safe here at home.

I can't help who I fell in love with.

I can't help what he does for a living.

I can help who I act while he is gone.

I can act like a mature women. 

People ask me all the time "Aren't you lonely?"

Well, wouldn't you get lonely if the man you loved left you for 6+  months with limited communication?

I just know that I can't go around moping. 

I have to keep busy. 

Crying and moping 24/7 will not make the time pass quickly and it will make Chris feel guilty for leaving.

He has enough to worry about while he's over there without having to worry about how I'm dealing with him gone on top of everything.

So, I keep myself busy.

I cram as much as I can into my days.

I email Chris as much as I need to during the days to make it feel like he's a part of my days.

I take it day by day until he comes home.

People ask me "Don't you worry?"

If the person you loved most in the world was in a war zone wouldn't you worry?

So yes, I worry about him nonstop.

People say they understand, but unless you've been in the situation, you truly can't understand the thoughts that go through our heads every day. 

It's extremely worrisome.

All the time.

If I don't hear from when I normally would, I panic.

But I try to cover it up and not think about the worst. 

Because when I think about the worst, I fall apart.

And I need to be strong.

Because I'm doing the best that I can.

I'm coping through these deployments.

I'm counting the days until he comes home.

I'm doing the best that I know how to do.